There have been other times in which everything seems awkward. Then, my writing takes on a spastic quality. I don't know what I'm doing. Both sides of my brain go haywire. Words churn out, but they're incoherent. I find myself erasing and starting over multiple times in my mind before I even get started on the page. It is these times when my inside and outside worlds become so misaligned and out of whack that I'd retreat into myself for days at a time.
Even if life's obligations forced me into the light, I wasn't fully there. Whenever a moment would come, or I'd make some good excuse to wander off, I'd write. I'd at least attempt it. Sometimes, I would doodle or scribble a few lines. Until I wrote something I was content with, I simply couldn't be right again.
My writing has long been my coping mechanism for struggles both within and without. Even after over thirty years on this earth and over two decades of expressing myself with the written word, I'm still not quite sure I've found that perfect place in my writing. I'm still not where I simply know I'm saying what I really want to say.
Sometimes, I wonder if language itself has built in limitations that will forever frustrate me. But I know my skills still need considerable sharpening, no matter what praise I get. Finding that place in my writing where it's always fun is what I'm aiming for in life.
The feelings of self doubt and frustration will subside one day, I'm sure. That place could be right around the corner. Who knows when I'll write the piece that helps me to turn that corner?
Have you found that perfect place in your writing? Does that perfect place even exist? Whatever the case, just write on.
~ Phoenix <3