I'm being vague for good reason. The idea of what I was beginning to write terrified me. Sometimes an writing idea fills me with a sickening fear that people are going to hate me for writing it. Why should I care about anyone's judgment, though? What do I have to lose?
Well, a lot of the issues that I bring up in this new story are not exactly politically correct. They would rub a lot of people, including my own friends and family, the wrong way. Of course, that's the point of writing something controversial, isn't it?
It's not that I want to write something controversial. I've had thoughts running around my head for over a decade now that I need to get out- things that I never felt comfortable saying. But until I get what I am affectionately calling "The Side Project" off the ground and really flesh it out into figuring out what it actually is, I can't say much more about it. I have too many of these “Side Projects” to keep my head straight some times.
What I will say and definitely can say is that I now know why my creative writing has always felt so lacking. It often goes anywhere and becomes abandoned manuscripts on my hard drive. I'm not a skilled enough artist to draw out the beautiful scenes and creatures that come into my head on a daily basis. But I am talented and skilled enough to write out these Side Projects. Sometimes, you simply have to write what's coming straight from the heart and straight from the soul. That's how I've always been with my poetry and it's some of my best work.
I'll tell you why I stopped writing poetry for awhile. It began to scare people. I got to the point that I was being called a lunatic and that I should seek serious help. The judgment actually was a major cause of leaving my "regular" job. There was more to it, of course, but it was a major deciding factor. Sure, I've written a ton of interesting stuff since becoming a full-time writer. But creatively, outside of non-fiction, I kept stalling and sputtering.
I have had to become more at ease with myself that what I am writing now often is not cute. It is real. It is the true nature of my mind: sometimes awfully cynical, dark, and unfiltered - but some things simply need to be said.
I stopped being true to myself. That’s why I went into such a rut with my writing.
Now, I have to write from the heart, and from nowhere else. And so should you. Don’t let your concerns about what others may think anymore.